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The best funny stories part 9

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The best funny stories part 9 Beggar  Why do you beg?”  “The truth is I beg to get money for booze- drink.”  “Why do you drink?”  “To give me the courage to beg” . Outsmarted by a Woman When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.  So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.  "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."  Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later she became his stepmother. Lawyers A man committed murder. To fight his case he was advised to hire a good lawyer. He checked one who asked for $100. He thought this one is not good enough. The next one wanted $500. The next $5000. ...
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The Best Funny Stories part 8

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The Best Funny Stories part 8 16.Shrewish Ladies - I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.  - So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”  - One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales dumbo!”  - So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”  - That’s about as far as I remember. 17.  I don't know - Little Johnny asks his father:   - "Where does the wind come from?"  - "I don't know."  - "Why do dogs bark?"  - "I don't know."  - "Why is the earth round?"  - "I don't know."  - "Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"  - "No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."  18. An idiot man Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses.   He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over.  The other man pulls out h...
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The best funny stories part 7

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The best funny stories part 7 Elephant's milk A:  Did you hear about the baby that was fed only elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.  B:  That's impossible. Whose baby?  A:  An elephant' Dog experiments     Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut off one of the dog's legs, then they told the dog to walk.   The dog got up and walked, so they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg.   Then they told the dog once more to walk.  The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk.   However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost its hearing after having three legs ...
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The best funny stories part 6

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The best funny stories part 6 Jesus and the Robber One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rummagged through the desk. He replied, "Who said that?!" Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!" The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was.  The parrot replied, "Cornelius." The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!" The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!" Strength vs. Intelligence A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.   He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen.   After several minutes, John had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said.   "I will bet a week's wages that I can h...
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